


wake and know the truth

by CapriciousCrab



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab
Summary: "I had a dream," he murmurs, just loud enough for Dan to hear. "It… it was bad. Really bad."
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 120





	wake and know the truth

He stood at the edge of the world and smiled.

Phil had walked this path more times than he could count. His feet had memorized the lay of the earth here; each rock and dip and rolling hill familiar beneath his boots. He stopped at the cliff's edge and flung out his arms, tipping his face up to the sky as he took a deep breath of the salt-tinged breeze. The sun warmed his skin, shining red-gold behind his closed eyes and he reveled in the exhilaration of the moment as he shook off the stagnant lethargy of the last few months.

"Dan? Hurry up, you'll miss the sunset!" he called down the path. He was a little put out by Dan's tardiness but he couldn't be angry with him. He could never stay angry at Dan, with his moody eyes and winsome dimple and the curls he lets Phil unravel, just to watch spring back into place. No, he wouldn't be angry with Dan.

Turning away from the sea, Phil headed back down the path to find his errant lover. He hummed softly as he went, something familiar and full of longing that made his heart ache in the best sort of way. He knows this song but can't remember how, frowning slightly as the knowledge drifted away from him, as wispy as smoke. The more he tried remembering the more anxious he became, until there was a fine mist of sweat upon his brow and his palms grew damp. Dan will know, he thought as his feet unthinkingly moved faster, carrying him away from the sea that now churned furiously behind him. Dan always knows what Phil's thinking.

A sense of urgency crept over him, a nameless dread crawling up his back that made his skin prickle with unease. He finds himself running without understanding why, stumbling down the path as the breath tore from his throat in giant panicked gasps. Running for the safety of his parent's house, where he knows he'll find Dan sat at the little table in the kitchen, watching Mum make their evening tea. There's nothing to fear, he thinks as that fear crawled up from his gut to wrap tight hands around his throat. Every breath hurt, each exhale a wheezing scrape that burned his lungs as he rounded the corner of the house. He stumbled into the back garden and came to an abrupt stop that nearly sent him to his knees.

The earth here was disturbed and broken, piled into ugly mounds of dirt that his mind refused to comprehend. One by two by three they lay; a vicious row of heartbreak and sorrow that bear the names of those he loves most etched upon dainty, nearly delicate stones. The sea roared wildly behind him, drowning out the sound of his scream as it rose up to swallow him whole.

*

Phil jerked awake with the scream trapped within his throat and the memory of seawater coating his tongue. He lays frozen, eyes staring blindly into the dark as he listens for the sound of something to pull him from the dream and back to himself.

That something turns out to be Dan, snoring softly behind him. He's tucked himself up against Phil's back, their legs tangled together while Dan's arm lays curled around Phil’s waist. It's a comforting weight and it helps dissipate the terror and grief of the nightmare that had woken him. He matches his breathing to Dan's, grounding himself in the familiar scent of his skin, and feels the tightness in his throat ease even as a hot prickle of tears dampens his lashes. 

He doesn't let them fall. Slipping from the bed as carefully as he can, he pulls the duvet up around Dan's shoulders knowing full well that it will be kicked aside before long. Still, it brings him comfort to smooth the soft cotton over Dan's chest and rest his hand there, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breathing before moving away. He closes the door quietly behind him and heads for the lounge.

Grabbing the quilt from the back of the sofa, he wraps it around his shoulders like a cape before wandering over to the tank to switch on the light. Norman startles away, darting behind his leaf as the shrimp skitter along the bottom to stare up at him accusingly.

"Sorry," Phil whispers before backing away, stretching out along the sofa to stare into the tank. 

The sound of the filter bubbling quietly centers him, and he can feel the last of the tension his muscles were carrying melt away. The reflection of the water dances on the ceiling; dreamy ripples and waves that he follows with his eyes as he lets his mind go blissfully blank. His eyes feel tired and gritty as the minutes creep past but the fear of having another nightmare keeps him awake.

The quiet snick of the bedroom door opening seems comically loud in the 3 a.m. stillness. Phil can hear the soft shuffle of Dan's footsteps as he comes down the hall and sighs with a mixture of guilt and relief. Guilt for disturbing Dan's rest. Relief at no longer being awake alone.

"Phil?" Dan says softly, rounding the end of the sofa. "What are you doing out here?"

Dan crouches next to Phil's head. Dan's eyes are slumberous and a bit puffy. He has a pillow crease along one cheek and his hair is a tangled mess atop his head but he's never looked more beautiful to Phil than he does right now, all sleepy and rumpled. And wonderfully alive.

"Are you sick?" Dan's hand moves, coming to rest on his forehead as if to check for fever. 

"No, I'm not sick." Phil catches Dan's hand in his own and gives a little tug. "Lay with me?" he asks quietly.

It takes a bit of shuffling, but they finally manage to get comfortable, tucked up together under the quilt watching Norman as he swims languidly among the shrimp. Phil can feel Dan's breath on the back of his neck, and it makes him shiver as their body heat gathers between them. It warms Phil to his bones as it chases away the last remnants of the dream.

"I had a dream," he murmurs, just loud enough for Dan to hear. "It… it was bad. Really bad."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Dan asked. He rubs his hand down Phil's arm before tangling their fingers together. He tugs Phil a little closer until he's wrapped around him protectively as if to prevent any further hurt and it makes Phil feel small and safe.

He hesitates then shakes his head. He doesn't want to burden Dan with the dream, though it would make Dan angry to know Phil felt that way. He'd call Phil a martyr and accuse him of being overprotective and they might even have a bit of an argument about it. But Phil's not trying to be a martyr. He just hates to see Dan upset.

"Mm, no. Not tonight." He doesn't want to relive it, wants to forget the horror of those three graves laid bare in his mum's back garden. Tomorrow he'll write it down and tuck it away in the dream journal that’s filled with the multitude of nightmares he's had throughout the years, a testament to his ever-present anxiety. "I'm afraid to sleep," he admits hesitantly.

Dan presses a kiss to the side of his head and pulls the quilt up a little higher around them. "Don't be afraid… I'm here," he murmurs. "We're safe and cosy, just watching Norman swim around. Nothing to worry about tonight."

Phil can feel his eyes growing heavy as Dan talks softly in his ear. Maybe tomorrow he will tell Dan about the dream. Or maybe he won't remember the details of it in the morning after all, the memories blurred and softened by a night spent held safely in Dan's arms.

Phil knows he won't be sleeping any longer tonight but he holds himself quiet and still when Dan drifts back to sleep. He'll be tired and irritable come morning, his back stiff and a headache beating at his temple, but for now he's content. There's no place else he'd rather be.

So he watches the ripples dance and sway across the ceiling until the sunrise paints the room in gold.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> you can like and reblog [here](https://capriciouscrab.tumblr.com/post/616738664060518400/wake-and-know-the-truth-rating-g-word-count-14k)


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